Mother’s Day ovaries

The promises of God over our lives are treasures we can either choose to receive in faith or reject in fear. They announce the reality of things that our eyes cannot yet see and that may seem way out of the box or even impossible in our present circumstances. However, since it’s God who declares them, we can be assured that they will come to pass no matter how much opposition comes against them or how long it takes before they get accomplished.

When I heard the news that the doctors would take out my last ovary because of the cancer that was twisted around it, I knew that medically speaking, it meant that I was going to be in menopause at 29 years of age and would remain in this state for the rest of my life, unless for a miracle. Being barren is definitely a secondary issue beside my palliative medical condition. But since this fertility business is something dear to my heart, God cares even more! Because I picture myself healing from cancer and leading a healthy life for a very long future, the question of being able to conceive more children and having a normal hormonal system is a big deal to me. In the midst of all these questions, I prayed that God would heal me and somehow miraculously prevent the medical scenario that was predicted. However, in March 2016, I fell into menopause after that my doctor operated me and took out my last ovary, fallopian tube and the tumour mess all tangled up around them. Nevertheless, what is amazing is that with the hope that we have in Jesus, in the midst of our loss, there will always, always be good news. It’s in this place of expectation that I started seeking revelation on what good He was planning on doing in the midst of my losses. Every time the enemy is doing something destructive in our lives, God has a redemptive plan already all figured out and launched. Before anything else, our attention shouldn’t stay stuck on what we lose in life, but much more on what will be given back to us and multiplied in compensation for what the enemy has stolen from us (Ephesians 3:20). We can be assured that when we surrender our broken pieces to God, He will always rebuild them faithfully.

Whispers of God’s promises
While praying in the Spirit in search of hope in this painful process, I started hearing the words “baby, baby” coming spontaneously out of my mouth. I had a sense that they were inspired by something greater than me. I was unsure what these words meant at first, but while seeking the meaning of these with the Lord, I heard him whisper these words over and over: “I will restore your reproductive system. You will become pregnant again”. When I felt and heard these words, I had a choice: Believe what Holy Spirit was declaring, or reject them out of fear. When Abraham’s barren wife, Sarah, heard her promise of bearing a child in her old age, she laughed. As for me, I cried. My heart was in a battle: Do I invite a message of hope like this one without knowing for sure if it is true? In the middle of this brief but intense internal debate, a red alarm quickly awoke me that these thoughts were the voice of fear. Even with all my remaining questions and vulnerabilities, I chose to believe His still small voice, because this I know: My loving Father doesn’t ever disappoint His children with false hopes. Knowing His love will always be the key that leads us in a place of complete trust in His goodness for our life. God loves to not only speak into our lives, but to confirm His word by partnering with others on our journey. That’s exactly what He did for me. My mother-in-law, who didn’t know anything about the promises that Holy Spirit was communicating to me in this season, had a dream in which I was walking beside her pregnant and God told her that she would have a big posterity. Then, a young lady at my church who also didn’t know anything about what God was promising me shared with me that she dreamt that I was pregnant with seven babies (Oh God…let it be a symbolic number…!) When I heard these dreams, my heart leapt with joy with expectation to see my promises come to life. Although these confirmations were wonderful, Jesus led me through a faith process where I had to choose to believe His still small voice before He used any other voice to back His up.
« Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband, » says the LORD. « Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities. « Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated…” (Isaiah 54:1-4, NIV)

A gift of ovaries
In May 2016, while in full blown menopause on Mother’s Day weekend, the presence of God fell in my room and on me in an intense way. The light of Jesus was shining brightly all around me in the spiritual atmosphere. In this experience, I heard the voice of Holy-Spirit tell me: “Happy Mother’s Day, my precious Nathania! I am giving you some new ovaries and a new reproductive system as your Mother’s Day present.” I cried as I received the second-best gift a mom could ever have, after the one of my precious two-year-old son. On that same day, my heavy hot flashes left completely, ovary pain started to appear in my abdomen, and in the summer of 2016, my menstrual cycle restarted. In the year that followed, medical blood work confirmed that I have normal hormonal levels equal to those of a fully fertile woman my age. After 1 year of seeing these changes occur gradually in my body, I now have the medical confirmation from scans and my doctor that I HAVE A LEFT AND A RIGHT OVARY! I praise Jesus for such a beautiful creative miracle! I believe it’s only the beginning of a bigger picture that not only announces my complete healing of cancer, but also of a future pregnancy. Do I have all the answers that explain why God would give me ovaries while my health deteriorates to the point of being in palliative care? No…but the journey of faith is about being able to trust Him in the midst of unexplainable circumstances and unanswered questions. “Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.” (Hebrews 11:1, NLT)

My friends, through your difficulties, I encourage you to persevere with the promises of God over your lives. No matter how impossible they may look, He is the God of the IMPOSSIBLE and He will restore everything that was ever stolen from you. That is the hope that we carry because of the perfect work that Jesus accomplished on the cross for us. He bore our sins and our sicknesses on Him so that we would have an abundant life (John 10:10). I pray that in your places of impossibility or lack, that Jesus would renew your hope. I declare a childlike faith over you so that your heart greets the words of restoration that He is breathing upon you, even in the midst of your suffering and before your breakthrough happens. I declare all fear of being disappointed by your Heavenly Daddy to be broken in the powerful name of Jesus! I invite His presence to make you drown so deeply in the revelation of His love that all your fears melt away. Life is amazing when we focus our attention on the promises that He whispers in our ears instead of what our circumstances shout at us. No matter how messy it may get, you can be assured that God will never let you down. He will always transform your ruins into invaluable gifts…like He did with well-wrapped ovaries in the womb of a mom with a future full of hope.